Sarah and Emily are a same-sex couple who have been together for nearly nine years. Both committed to each other and wanting to be parents, they chose to foster because Sarah’s background in a customer care team for a local council had given her an insight to the difficult family situations that children and young people can find themselves in, through no fault of their own.
Sarah said: “We’ve been fostering for seven years now. We first thought about fostering as I knew family friends who had fostered, and we had been brought up knowing fostering families. As a family growing up, we had also supported my Dad with charity events, including those for underprivileged children, when he was a local Councillor many years ago. Emily is retired from the Armed Forces and was looking for a meaningful vocation and we wanted to give other children the opportunity for the positive start we both had in life.
“During our time fostering we have looked after 10 children in total, mostly sibling groups, we are currently looking after two children who came to us for a couple of days on an emergency placement but are still with us and feeling happier and settled, six months later.
“I think people in general, who know little about fostering or adoption, are unaware that an unmarried, same-sex couple can foster or adopt and that there are no barriers to this. What has surprised me over the years is my own perception that the children’s parents might have concerns about their children being looked after by a same-sex couple, but that has never been the case. They have felt assured that their children are safe and cared for by us. It has never bothered any of the children that we are a same-sex couple but does open up interesting conversations and of course, they do ask questions, which we answer honestly and sensitively.
“The other often asked question is “How do you hand them back, I couldn’t do that”, for us this is the most difficult part of fostering, to let go of a child that you have nurtured and learned to walk and talk, but although this can be heart-wrenching at times, we feel privileged to be in a position to be in their lives and to have helped them and their families at a time that has been life-changing, to help shape them into the person they will become.”
Emily added: “Another myth, is that you have to be in the peak of good health and fitness. This is not quite the case. A couple of years ago I was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis and we thought that would have an impact on whether we could continue to foster but, no, the Fostering team could not be more helpful. Naturally, as you would expect, the social workers made checks and assessments, but my condition is not an issue as far as they are concerned. They have been, and continue to be really supportive.”
When asked what they would say to people thinking about fostering and adoption, Sarah and Emily agreed: “Definitely do it. We would be rich if we had a pound for every time someone said they were thinking about it. Don’t just think about it, at least take the first step to find out more. It is challenging, we won’t lie, but it is so rewarding, there is excellent training and ongoing support to help. We developed such a good relationship with the first two brothers we looked after that we were asked to be their godparents after they had moved on to live permanently with their grandfather and so we are still in their lives.”
For more: www.hants.gov.uk/fostering
